no loud talking

iheartmyart:

Jana Sojka, I contain multitude, 2019

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humansofnewyork:

“I’m studying for my PhD.  My husband is supporting me, but my parents really opposed me being here.  They’re very traditional.  They think I should let my husband work, and I should be staying home with our child.  They just want me to be comfortable.  They’ve managed my entire life so that I would be comfortable.  But I need things to be more difficult.  I need to be uncomfortable so that I can grow.  These last few years I’ve been a traditional mother.  Every day was a routine.  I didn’t feel like I was progressing.  Or innovating.  I felt so lost, but I kept telling myself that my child relied on me.  I told myself that I couldn’t leave his side.  But in reality, I was the one relying on my son.  It’s not that I couldn’t leave his side.  It’s that I wouldn’t know what to do if I did.”
(Hong Kong

humansofnewyork:

“My patients tell me about their experiences.  But I can’t tell them about mine.  It’s frustrating.  Like the connection is so close.  Like we could be friends in different circumstances.  But it’s impossible.  I have a role to fill.  The therapist’s role is to hear.  To listen.  To help without asking.  To understand my patients’ problems, but to control my emotional response.  So I can’t tell them what I’ve been through.  I can’t tell them that I have no close relationships.  I can’t tell them that my mother didn’t want me.  That she abused me with hands and words.  That she was never happy that I existed.  As a child I was kept hidden from the outside world.  I couldn’t speak of my experiences.  I couldn’t express my emotions.  If it wasn’t for the church, I would not have survived.  The Bible was the first place I ever heard: ‘It’s good that you are alive.’  These are words that every child needs to hear.  If you go too long without hearing them, things get very dark.  And I didn’t hear them until I was seventeen.  Even today I’m constantly fighting the temptation to be alone.  It’s so difficult for me to form friendships.  I must challenge myself to trust people: that they won’t hurt me, that they won’t make fun of me, that they like spending time with me.  Because if I don’t keep fighting, I’ll spend all my time alone.  It’s so comfortable to be alone.  To become lost.  And to lose the will to live.”
(Berlin, Germany)

sfmoma:

Nursery / 18 x 24 in. / oil on wood panel / 2019

http://mryczek.com/available-work/

humansofnewyork:

“We came out together.  It felt safe because we had similar backgrounds.  We’d both been in long-term relationships with men, so we didn’t need to explain ourselves.  Everything felt comfortable.  She was the chaser at first.  She had no brakes.  It was a Big Love: really fast, really deep, really far.  And she was the one who first verbalized it.  She put a name to it.  We came back from a holiday in Beirut, and she said: ‘Now this is a serious relationship.’  And from that moment things began to change.  Now I’m the chaser.  I always feel anxious about her true feelings.  I see every little thing as a rejection.  Like when she goes to sleep without saying goodnight.  Or when I see her spontaneously smile with her children, in a way that she doesn’t with me.  And then there’s touch.  I need it.  It helps calm my anxieties.  It gets me out of my mind.  It can be really small, just two seconds on the back of the neck, and I can feel grounded again.  But without it I feel complete rejection.  And she didn’t have a problem with it for the first six months.  But now she says she feels a bit cramped.  She needs a little space.  And then I wonder if it’s me.  I think of my dad.  Always needing hugs, always needing kisses, always needing reassurance, too much, too much, too much.  My mother felt suffocated.  So I think: ‘Maybe it’s me.’  And honestly, when I think it’s a problem with me, for a moment I feel reassured.  Because that means it’s not a problem with us.”
(Amsterdam, The Netherlands)

hifructosemag:

The acrylic paintings of Olan Ventura reference the still-life paintings of the Old Masters, yet take a contemporary turn in conveying what only appear to be printing errors that run hues off the canvas. See more of his work on HiFructose.com.

0832:

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